Jennifer's Garden

Jennifer was beautiful. A young mom in her late 30’s, she and her husband had two young boys and a seemingly flourishing life. But all was not as it seemed. Jennifer concealed a private struggle with depression. Even those closest to her had no idea the pain and brokenness she carried inside.

One night she went missing. Her husband reached out to a police officer who attended our church. A search party formed, and our little church embraced and cared for the group that looked for her. Days turned into weeks before the tragic news shattered her family and our small town.

Jennifer had taken her own life.

In the midst of that tragedy, new relationships were formed. My life became fused together with Jennifer’s parents, her husband, and her kids. I remember the hours spent crying on the front steps of our old, stone church, hurting for this family who had lost one they held so dear.

In the year following Jennifer’s death, I would often make time to join her family, to listen, and to embrace. One Christmas Eve, I brought our kids with me to visit Jennifer’s mom. We brought a bouquet of red flowers and some hearts full of love. We talked for a bit before I began to notice some leaves which had collected in the yard. I saw a simple thread and offered a hand to rake her yard and remove the leaves.

As I left that day, my mind drifted into the future. I remembered a conversation that I had had with a hospital chaplain once. He talked about the deep fear of being forgotten or forgetting loved ones who had died, especially for children. As I remembered this, I glimpsed an opportunity to come right up against the seam dividing the seen and unseen, to somehow affirm the reality that those we lose are more present than we may realize. I wanted Jennifer’s boys to remember her, and for her life and beauty to be part of their memory. I knew we needed to create space for that remembrance to come alive.

At the time our church operated a beautiful home called the Hillside Inn, a place for prodigals to find a space to rest, heal, and grow. The Inn sat on a large corner lot on the very edge of a small town in Oregon, right where the sidewalk disappears into the Red Hills of wine country. It was a beautiful space, but the yard had not been cultivated. Another thread began to take form in my mind and heart.

What if, in this place, at this commingled intersection of good and broken and future, we honored Jennifer’s story? What if we created a garden that Jennifer’s boys could enter and remember their mom? What if that place could offer hope, even in the midst of great tragedy? What if this garden was open and yet set apart, free for the weary and thirsty, the heavy laden, the broken, those privately carrying the great pain of depression? What if they could find rest?

Jennifer’s Garden was born from this thread. Time was given, treasure was laid, little by little until an entire community gathered in embrace. That very good ground was touched by hands animated by the Spirit of Perfect Love. Jennifer’s family joined the creative work, adding subtle and intentional remembrances that would have been special and pleasing to their beloved.

Her story, her life, and her death were not hidden. There was no sense of shame or disgrace, only the honesty of real loss, real mourning, and a place to be near the hurting and the broken. The good, broken, and future commingled here in this place, embraced by Perfect Love. Wounds found healing with every load of bark and every plant nurtured. It was absolutely stunning to see the dawn of so much light flood right into the darkness. Gratitude, compassion, and hope echoed through the hearts of all who came to the garden.

Love was alive.

Author: Zach Elliott

Zach Elliott describes himself as an ordinary man who loves Jesus. Anyone who knows Zach Elliott would describe him as far from ordinary. Zach began his career with Oregon State Police as a Forensic Evidence Technician, then served as a church planter and a pastor before launching V3, a ministry committed to sharing the Gospel and loving the Church. He is a husband, father, speaker, author, and thought leader, engaging the world with a powerful message of hope and restoration in Christ. He has a contagious love of life, finds beauty in the most unlikely places, and loves people with an uncommon depth of respect and honor.

This excerpt is quoted from Zach’s book, Now I See.