I Forgive You

Forgiveness is an essential element to our healing and transformation. Without it, those places of pain in our past can never be truly healed. We must offer forgiveness to others, and we must offer forgiveness to ourselves.

As we work to replace pieces of our shame with the reality of grace, the process becomes more and more difficult. We discover the places where forgiveness is necessary, and we are faced with the reality that forgiveness is hard. Asking for forgiveness is hard. Receiving forgiveness is hard. Offering forgiveness is hard. Uncovering the hurts that require forgiveness is hard. And yet, it is a vital practice for our healing.

I'll never forget one time of going to my daughter to ask for forgiveness. She was about 5 years old at the time, and I had done some bonehead thing as a parent. I don't remember all the details of what I did, because there were plenty of opportunities for this to have happened. I had probably scolded her too hard, or raised my voice too loud, or done something that kind of scared her and made her cry. I felt pretty bad.

I remember going into her bedroom and kneeling down by the bed next to her and saying, "Honey, I'm sorry. Dad lost his temper. Dad raised his voice. He didn't do a very good job there. Will you forgive me for that?"

And she simply put her hand on my shoulder and looked deep into my eyes and said, "It's okay, Daddy. I forgive you."

That moment of forgiveness floored me. It was so humbling. It was so healing. I had acknowledged my shame and she had met it with grace. And light washed over the both of us in that moment. I was forgiven.

Author: Dr. Richard Shaw

Dr. Richard Shaw is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Mental Health Counselor. He is an ordained minister with the International Foursquare Church and he is an Associate Professor of Counseling at George Fox University. He has traveled extensively in the U.S. and overseas to teach and facilitate workshops for his groundbreaking work around shame and grace. Richard is originally from the great state of Nebraska and currently lives with his wife, Karen, in the pacific Northwest. He loves both college and pro football and he enjoys spending time on the Oregon Coast. He has two adult children in education and ministry.

This excerpt is taken from Dr. Shaw’s book, Shame No More.